83rd GOLDEN GLOBES WRAP-UP

I should probably just get this out of the way right up front, because there’s no point pretending otherwise: the Golden Globes are a pretty stupid award show. They always have been. They probably always will be.

The Hollywood Foreign Press was, for years, a punchline, a punchline with free dinners and celebrity selfies attached, and even now, after rebrands, restructures, and a lot of PR gymnastics, the Globes remain a weird, messy, kind of meaningless circus.

They hand out awards to movies and television in the same night, which already makes no sense, and now, somehow, podcasts are involved, which is just baffling. If you think award shows are silly, empty, or completely pointless, then the Golden Globes are basically the Mount Everest of that argument.

And yet… I watch them every year. I always have. I always will.

Because I’m a movie freak. I’m an entertainment junkie. I talk about this stuff on the radio, on podcasts, in print, in real life, in my sleep. And as dumb and unnecessary as the Golden Globes are, they’re also star-studded, chaotic, unpredictable, and occasionally genuinely entertaining.

They’re an unavoidable evil, and over the years they’ve produced some truly memorable moments, great speeches, bizarre train wrecks, and, once in a while, flashes of brilliance. Sometimes it’s the show you can’t look away from precisely because it’s such a mess.

This year marked the second time Nikki Glaser hosted the Golden Globes, and she was terrific. She was great last year, but she was even better this time. Her opening monologue was sharp, confident, and actually funny, which already puts her miles ahead of most recent award show hosts.

She took shots at CBS, the network airing the show, she made jokes about redacting, about the CBS news division, about Warner Bros., about Leonardo DiCaprio, about Guillermo del Toro, about Martin Short and Steve Martin proving that in Hollywood you’re never too old to still need money.

She wasn’t afraid to bite the hand that was feeding her, and that always earns my respect. The jokes landed. The timing was solid. She controlled the room without playing it safe, and that’s not easy in a room full of egos and agents and publicists clutching their pearls.

What was especially noticeable about this year’s show was how aggressively apolitical it was. And I don’t mean that accidentally. I mean deliberately, conspicuously, almost suspiciously so. We are living in a moment of real global upheaval.

Venezuela, the current administration, Trump continuing to do some of the most reckless, idiotic things imaginable, the horrifying tragedy in Minneapolis involving ICE and the shooting of a woman in a car... none of it was mentioned. Not once. Not in speeches, not in introductions, not in asides.

And I have zero doubt that this was intentional. I am convinced that the Golden Globes sent out a memo, a warning, a suggestion, whatever you want to call it, saying: keep it off the stage. If you want to make a statement, do it on the red carpet. Do not do it in the ballroom.

Some people probably loved that. A lot of viewers watch award shows specifically to escape the real world, to shut off the noise and just look at movie stars in expensive clothes. Personally, I didn’t love it. I think it felt artificial. But it was clearly the strategy, and the show stuck to it.

There were some great presenter moments. Wanda Sykes was hilarious presenting the stand-up comedy award, directly addressing each nominee, making Bill Maher visibly uncomfortable, which is always a joy.

Her Ricky Gervais joke (about thanking God and the trans community if he won) was sharp, smart, and very Wanda Sykes.

Judd Apatow’s introduction for Best Director went on way too long, but I still laughed a lot, especially when he brought up losing Best Comedy years ago when Trainwreck lost to Ridley Scott’s The Martian, which somehow competed as a comedy. That will never not be funny.

There were winners I didn’t understand at all. I think The Studio is one of the worst shows of the year, it's pretentious, smug, packed with jokes that think they’re inside jokes but really aren’t, and yet it won big, including Seth Rogen winning Best Actor in a Comedy. I don’t get it. I probably never will.

On the other hand, Adolescence sweeping the drama categories made complete sense. That show is outstanding, with phenomenal performances across the board.

Stellan Skarsgård’s win was a surprise, and his speech, which was about not spending six minutes thanking every human he’s ever met, was charming, funny, and refreshingly honest.

Snoop Dogg got laughs, which was surprising considering a lot of people in the room seemed to forget his recent appearance at a Trump event.

Rose Byrne’s acceptance speech might be my favorite of the night, especially when she explained that her husband Bobby Cannavale wasn’t there because he was at a reptile expo in New Jersey getting a bearded dragon. That may be the greatest excuse for missing an awards ceremony in history.

Timothée Chalamet continues to be my favorite young actor working today, and his win and speech were great.

Paul Thomas Anderson finally had the kind of night he has deserved for decades. One Battle After Another winning Best Picture in the comedy category, Anderson winning Best Director and Best Screenplay, it felt right. It felt overdue. He’s been making incredible films since the late ’90s and somehow still has not to win an Oscar. That’s likely about to change.

There were weird moments too. Noah Wyle stopping to hug George Clooney at his table because, of course, ER. Wagner Moura winning for The Secret Agent, which was unexpected but exciting and probably signals an Oscar nomination.

Hamnet winning Best Picture Drama surprised a lot of people, but once you remember that Steven Spielberg produced it, it suddenly makes perfect sense. Chloe Zhao acting completely shocked by the win was one of the most unintentionally funny moments of the night.

This is a movie specifically engineered to win awards, produced by one of the most powerful figures in Hollywood, directed by someone who has already won an Oscar, and yet she reacted like she’d wandered into the room by mistake. It was absurd.

The show moved quickly. It barely ran over time. Only one person got played off by the music, and of course it was the winner for Best Foreign Film, which is both ironic and irritating. They were seated all the way in the back, took forever to reach the stage, and then got cut off. Not great optics.

Nikki Glaser closed the night beautifully. Seven outfit changes, a hilarious musical number interrupted by Fran Drescher, and a final appearance in a sparkly black-and-white gown wearing a Spinal Tap baseball cap, paying tribute to Rob Reiner and closing with “this show went to eleven.” That was a perfect ending.

There were awkward corporate tie-ins, including the embarrassing UFC bit that completely bombed, because of course CBS and Paramount Plus felt the need to shove that in. Network television, suits, bad ideas, some things never change.

So yeah, the Golden Globes are still dumb. Still messy. Still questionable. But this year’s show was entertaining, well-paced, and mercifully not a disaster like the Jo Koy train wreck from a couple of years ago.

Nikki Glaser proved she’s not just a killer stand-up comic but a genuinely great awards show host, and she absolutely deserves to come back.

I agreed with some winners. I disagreed with others. That’s how this always goes. And more than anything, this felt like the opening act for what’s coming at the Academy Awards in March.

So, another year, another weird, shiny, frustrating, entertaining Golden Globes in the books.

And with all that said, here is the full list of winners from the 83rd Golden Globe Awards.

WINNERS OF THE 83RD GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS:

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

FRANKENSTEIN

HAMNET — WINNER

IT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT

THE SECRET AGENT

SENTIMENTAL VALUE

SINNERS

BEST MOTION PICTURE – MUSICAL OR COMEDY

BLUE MOON

BUGONIA

MARTY SUPREME

NO OTHER CHOICE

NOUVELLE VAGUE

ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER — WINNER

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

Joel Edgerton, Train Dreams

Oscar Isaac, Frankenstein

Dwayne Johnson, The Smashing Machine

Michael B. Jordan, Sinners

Wagner Moura, The Secret Agent — WINNER

Jeremy Allen White, Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

Jessie Buckley, Hamnet — WINNER

Jennifer Lawrence, Die My Love

Renate Reinsve, Sentimental Value

Julia Roberts, After The Hunt

Tessa Thompson, Hedda

Eva Victor, Sorry, Baby

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Abbott Elementary

The Bear

Hacks

Nobody Wants This

Only Murders in the Building

The Studio — WINNER

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

The Diplomat

The Pitt — WINNER

Pluribus

Severance

Slow Horses

The White Lotus

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

Kathy Bates, Matlock

Britt Lower, Severance

Helen Mirren, MobLand

Bella Ramsey, The Last of Us

Keri Russell, The Diplomat

Rhea Seehorn, Pluribus — WINNER

BEST MOTION PICTURE – NON-ENGLISH LANGUAGE

It Was Just An Accident

No Other Choice

The Secret Agent — WINNER

Sentimental Value

Sirāt

The Voice of Hind Rajab

CINEMATIC AND BOX OFFICE ACHIEVEMENT

Avatar: Fire and Ash

F1

KPop Demon Hunters

Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning

Sinners — WINNER

Weapons

Wicked: For Good

Zootopia 2

BEST MOTION PICTURE – ANIMATED

Arco

Demon Slayer

Elio

KPop Demon Hunters — WINNER

Little Amélie or the Character of Rain

Zootopia 2

BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE

Paul Thomas Anderson, One Battle After Another — WINNER

Ryan Coogler, Sinners

Guillermo del Toro, Frankenstein

Jafar Panahi, It Was Just an Accident

Joachim Trier, Sentimental Value

Chloé Zhao, Hamnet

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A LIMITED SERIES, ANTHOLOGY SERIES, OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

Claire Danes, The Beast in Me

Rashida Jones, Black Mirror

Amanda Seyfried, Long Bright River

Sarah Snook, All Her Fault

Michelle Williams, Dying for Sex — WINNER

Robin Wright, The Girlfriend

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A LIMITED SERIES, ANTHOLOGY SERIES, OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

Jacob Elordi, The Narrow Road to the Deep North

Paul Giamatti, Black Mirror

Stephen Graham, Adolescence — WINNER

Charlie Hunnam, Monster: The Ed Gein Story

Jude Law, Black Rabbit

Matthew Rhys, The Beast in Me

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Timothée Chalamet, Marty Supreme — WINNER

George Clooney, Jay Kelly

Leonardo DiCaprio, One Battle After Another

Ethan Hawke, Blue Moon

Lee Byung-hun, No Other Choice

Jesse Plemons, Bugonia

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Rose Byrne, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You — WINNER

Cynthia Erivo, Wicked: For Good

Kate Hudson, Song Sung Blue

Chase Infiniti, One Battle After Another

Amanda Seyfried, The Testament of Ann Lee

Emma Stone, Bugonia

BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE

One Battle After Another — WINNER

Marty Supreme

Sinners

It Was Just An Accident

Sentimental Value

Hamnet

BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE

“Dream as One,” Avatar: Fire and Ash

“Golden,” KPop Demon Hunters — WINNER

“I Lied to You,” Sinners

“No Place Like Home,” Wicked: For Good

“The Girl in the Bubble,” Wicked: For Good

“Train Dreams,” Train Dreams

BEST PODCAST

SmartLess

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Good Hang with Amy Poehler — WINNER

The Mel Robbins Podcast

Call Her Daddy

Up First

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Adam Brody, Nobody Wants This

Steve Martin, Only Murders in the Building

Glen Powell, Chad Powers

Seth Rogen, The Studio — WINNER

Martin Short, Only Murders in the Building

Jeremy Allen White, The Bear

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE – TELEVISION

Owen Cooper, Adolescence — WINNER

Billy Crudup, The Morning Show

Walton Goggins, The White Lotus

Jason Isaacs, The White Lotus

Tramell Tillman, Severance

Ashley Walters, Adolescence

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Kristen Bell, Nobody Wants This

Ayo Edebiri, The Bear

Selena Gomez, Only Murders in the Building

Natasha Lyonne, Poker Face

Jenna Ortega, Wednesday

Jean Smart, Hacks — WINNER

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

Sterling K. Brown, Paradise

Diego Luna, Andor

Gary Oldman, Slow Horses

Mark Ruffalo, Task

Adam Scott, Severance

Noah Wyle, The Pitt — WINNER

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE – MOTION PICTURE

Benicio Del Toro, One Battle After Another

Jacob Elordi, Frankenstein

Paul Mescal, Hamnet

Sean Penn, One Battle After Another

Adam Sandler, Jay Kelly

Stellan Skarsgård, Sentimental Value — WINNER

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE – TELEVISION

Carrie Coon, The White Lotus

Erin Doherty, Adolescence — WINNER

Hannah Einbinder, Hacks

Catherine O’Hara, The Studio

Parker Posey, The White Lotus

Aimee Lou Wood, The White Lotus

BEST TELEVISION LIMITED SERIES, ANTHOLOGY SERIES, OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

Adolescence — WINNER

All Her Fault

The Beast in Me

Black Mirror

Dying for Sex

The Girlfriend

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE – MOTION PICTURE

Emily Blunt, The Smashing Machine

Elle Fanning, Sentimental Value

Ariana Grande, Wicked: For Good

Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas, Sentimental Value

Amy Madigan, Weapons

Teyana Taylor, One Battle After Another — WINNER

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE

Alexandre Desplat, Frankenstein

Ludwig Göransson, Sinners — WINNER

Jonny Greenwood, One Battle After Another

Max Richter, Hamnet

Hans Zimmer, F1: The Movie

Kangding Ray, Sirāt

BEST PERFORMANCE IN STAND-UP COMEDY OR TELEVISION

Bill Maher, Is Anyone Else Seeing This?

Brett Goldstein, The Second Best Night of Your Life

Kevin Hart, Acting My Age

Kumail Nanjiani, Night Thoughts

Ricky Gervais, Mortality — WINNER

Sarah Silverman, Postmortem

Thanks for reading, and please SUBSCRIBE to my weekly NEWSLETTER!

And consider joining me on Patreon as a paid subscriber to help keep this thing going.

Thanks again!